Are you drowning in naff pens, pop sockets and junk emails? Do you have too many expense receipts for places you don’t remember going to? Have you slept away from home more than being AT home? If so … it must be
!! 2023 CONFERENCE SEASON !!
Turn your Conference into a Game!
Cyber Buzzword Bingo
2023 Edition!
Let’s get social this year and have a good old giggle sharing your photos of booths, stands, and pull-up banners with your favourite Cyber Buzzword Bingo phrases!
Use this link to message me on Twitter from events with any entries you think should be added to the list!
#CyberBuzzwordBingo
So, how does this work?
With most big cyber events, we go to meet friends, meet new people and browse the vendors to see what is new in the industry. However, you can feel a bit ‘ranty’ when you see those banners and booths full of over-hyped junked-up marketing lists of keywords that somehow don’t connect with reality.
I take the new (and some old) trendy buzzwords and collate them into a list and this accompanying blog explains why I think the buzzwords deserve to be on the list. You can click the link for your own Bingo card below and either print it off or play along on the website.
Here’s your own personal Bingo card (a new card is generated each time so you can play with friends too!):
Click here for your online
Buzzword Bingo Card
The Disclaimer and Learning Point
This is not a direct pop at any one vendor or any one person. This is just my personal musings (and others who helped with content for this blog). As such, no offence is meant and indeed minds can be changed from the original posting. If you do feel that there is an issue, contact me directly so we can discuss the issue.
Also please note, this is some fun and if you are in a marketing/comms team and you produce content – be aware of this list and think about the content you produce.
Buzzword Bingo List
WARNING … this will get sarcastic and snarky.
Remote Workers
Your workers were already remote. Got more than one office? well, they are remote from you. Got someone who has their email on their phone? Remote Workers. So don’t pretend that now we are working from home that the threat has changed – it’s the same threat it has always been, it’s just there are more people working in a remote way and the IT departments were caught sleeping and not ready for VPN access in.
Risk
Go on then, show me your shiny dashboard which doesn’t connect to all my devices will somehow mitigate all risks on my network, and somehow understand the nuances of my organisation to give me a likelihood and impact assessment … really? I see your snake oil and I raise it!
Women in Cyber lip service
Having a pink logo on your stand of males does not tell me that you are at the forefront of Women in Cyber. If you want to showcase the Women in Cyber scheme you have at your organisation then maybe actually talk to some of the main schemes that encourage gender diversity and let them help you … my guess is you are waaaay off!
ChatGPT
This had to be here am I right? It’s AI by a different name – an actual name in AI we can touch this year.. but have you tried using ChatGPT? Are you being serious? Trying to tell me ChatGPT with all it’s errors, mistakes, random bias and downright lies it tells is going to take over the world. Get a grip, people!!
Quantum
You do know that Quantim is not out yet? So why are you talking about it? You might as well put Aliens on your stand (not you Alienvault, I like your Aliens!!).
Military Grade
Nope, nope nope – see this scale for accuracy – LINK !
Dark Web
Congratulations you have a Tor browser, but can you actually give me something useful from the underbelly of the internet when it is not indexed – just hanging out in a few forums is only going to give you a myopic view! Plus serious threat actors don’t hang out in public forums.
Industry Leader
Industry Leader? Which Industry – all of Cyber?! Really? Why is it that EVERY vendor I see is some kind of leader … if we are all leaders then where can you go to next? The company in 2nd place hits harder than 1st place … so if you really are a Market Leader, you’re actually stating you’ve taken your foot off the gas!
Business Continuity
when they mean Disaster Recovery.
Disaster Recovery
when they mean Business Continuity.
Click here for your online
Buzzword Bingo Card
Automation
Are your staff suffering massive stress due to data overload? Are your log file archives in the petabytes? it’s OK here comes automation to add more data to it and give you loads more to look at – all those false positives to filter through! Buy automation today!
IOT
Do some actual IOT device security like PTP do. Stop stating a product built in the 90s is insecure so you are now an IOT consultancy! Show me some relevance rather than your mini hype bubble used by 25 people.
Log Files
Talk to any IT Director or sysadmin and they will laugh at you – you have no chance of getting all of those log files! Not a cat in hell’s chance!
Physical Security
and then show me hacking a security camera – that is just one layer of security. Physical Security is far more difficult than that – ever tried climbing over a 3-metre wall with barbed wire in the top? That camera is the least of your worries! Physical Security is mainly (not all) actually bricks and metalwork.
Ransomware
Still using the Wannacry picture? Anyone got a new image we can use for these poor attempts of scaremongers?
Humans are the Weakest Link
I dare you to tell your partner that they are the weakest link! also remind me, aren’t you a human too – so that means you are also the weakest link … step down people!
Sarcasm
I’m a massive fan of sarcasm but not in your marketing material. It’s generally just not funny anyway!
Cy-X
It has the word Cyber or Cy … it has the letter X in it – Holy Moly, this must be amazing!! (Apart from Cytix -they actually are amazing!)
Russia
yawn!
China
yawn!
Use this link to message me on Twitter from events
with any entries you think should be added to the list!
#CyberBuzzwordBingo
Service Provider
Reseller.
Phishing
Do you love undermining your staff? Ruining their day? Because there’s nothing like smashing security awareness in the face of the users like trying to trick them into clicking a link and then punishing them when they do click it!
Simulation
I don’t actually want simulation, I actually want the real thing, thank you!
GCHQ/NCSC Accredited
Ooooh get you … but what does that mean? Does it mean it’s any good? You are aware that by stating that you are not Accredited against any recognised standard?
Nation-State Grade
Yeah … I challenge you to put that one out there … then I know you read my blog – Cyber Product Grading System.
Military-Grade
See Nation-State grade. If you ever meet someone who has worked for your local military, they will tell you that military grade really is not a badge of honour!
Picture of Padlock or Hoodie
Oh go on … I’ll leave this one in … because it is still funny. When we have to run a $7,000 competition to get new images then it’s time to give up!
Maritime/Aviation
Well, you can expand this to any other niche client sector that is so highly specific that you are literally just looking at a pretty stand rather than having something meaningful that can help. Thank you for showing no relevance to 90% of the world.
Cyber Warfare
Ahahahaha … are you really going to try and sell your product using a term that the grass-roots clients will never really have a direct impact with and instead will be collateral damage in a current theatre of war? Oh, you do make me laugh … I bet you’d got a picture of a soldier too haven’t you!
Weird Giveaways
Another new entrant to the sheet – what is the weirdest thing being given away on a stand! Tweet @SPCoulson and let me know!!
Click here for your online
Buzzword Bingo Card
Holistic
Surely the only person allowed to say this without irony is Dirk Gently?
Full Spectrum
Ahahahahahahahah!
Self-healing
Another new entrant for this year – it’s magic!
No-Code
Because software doesn’t need any code now, enter more magic!
Next-Generation
Because your clients are still using the old generation?
Enterprise Grade
Moar of these grading companies? What is it with this grading stuff peoples!!
Award-Winning
We paid £10,000 for a table at an event we sponsored and magically we won an award (oh and we fired 2 staff for getting so drunk!!). However, see also The Real Cyber Awards.
Three Letter Acronyms
EDR, XDR, SDR, IAM, VAD, PKI, PEM, PRM, TAP, AWS, GCP, DNS can we just call it what it is please? Oh, and it’s always DNS.
Triangulation
because you just want to get on this list!
Gartner Magic Quadrant
Insert emoji of eyes looking left and right and then DM me on Twitter the company!
So there you have it … I hope you score well on your bingo card.
Come and find me at a conference near you – DM me on Twitter etc.
Use this link to message me on Twitter from events
with any entries you think should be added to the list!
#CyberBuzzwordBingo
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