Here it comes … yes … it’s that time of the year that some people love and others love to hate … it’s
!! CONFERENCE SEASON !!
- Do you love your data being hoovered up by conference companies to be sold to anyone they like?
- Do you love people sneakily scanning your conference badge whilst you are standing chatting to someone?
- Love eating overpriced wet sandwiches and drinking equally overpriced lukewarm coffee?
- Do you like being stuck for hours and hours in a hotel basement somewhere next to the toilets listening to the same old people talking about the same old stuff?
- Do you love collecting cheap tat from lots of vendors that break the second you get home?
- Do you love a pen that rarely works?
- Hate ‘talks’ that actually turn out to be sales pitches?
- Do you love that moment after 3 days of walking around a Hall you realise that you were in the wrong conference?
Attend a Cybersecurity Conference.
How can you survive when you have all that to contend with?
Turn your Conference into a Game!
Yep, gamification (and that’s not one of the buzzwords either!)!
Are you ready to play the only game to play at an Infosec Conference?
It’s Cyber Buzzword Bingo
2022 Edition!
Let’s get social this year and have a good old giggle sharing your photos of booths, stands, and pull-up banners with your favourite Cyber Buzzword Bingo phrases!
#CyberBuzzwordBingo
So, how does this work?
With most big cyber events, we go to meet friends, meet new people and browse the vendors to see what is new in the industry. However, you can feel a bit ‘ranty’ when you see those banners and booths full of over-hyped junked-up marketing lists of keywords that somehow don’t connect with reality.
I take the new (and some old) trendy buzzwords and collate them into a list and this accompanying blog explains why I think the buzzwords deserve to be on the list. You can click the link for your own Bingo card below and either print it off or play along on the website.
Here’s your own personal Bingo card (a new card is generated each time so you can play with friends too!):
Click here for your
Buzzword Bingo Card
.
The Disclaimer and Learning Point
This is not a direct pop at any one vendor or any one person. This is just my personal musings (and others who helped with content for this blog). As such, no offence is meant and indeed minds can be changed from the original posting. If you do feel that there is an issue, contact me directly so we can discuss the issue.
Also please note, this is some fun and if you are in a marketing/comms team and you produce content – be aware of this list and think about the content you produce.
Buzzword Bingo List
WARNING … this can get sarcastic and snarky.
New Normal
In this post-pandemic (hopefully there are no new ones to contend with) I don’t expect this to be on many banners or stands, but I do expect this to be talked about. Usually in the context of people are working from home and their fridges will hack your IT networks.
Compliance
In 2020 I had this as GDPR, and boy was I right! But I think people have just given up trying to understand the new landscape of GDPR, the UK’s new waffly one, the ignoring-what-you-said US one and the Chinese “we don’t have one”. So look out for vendors that blanket state Compliance not really knowing which standard they are referring to!
Before it happens
Ah yes, we are now entering the world of Minority Report where vendors claim their tools can actually predict the future. So head to those stands if you want a digital version of Cyber Mystic Meg looking over your network.
Not actually AI
We can’t help seeing AI nowadays – it’s here to stay. However, go on the hunt for that AI that is different. AI triangulation? AI Counselling services? Tweet me if you see any truly hilarious AI terms on the stands.
Diversity
I’m leaving this one in as I think it’s important. Is diversity just women and men or should we be talking about other diversities too; The other genders? disabilities? socio-economic? sometimes an apparent all-white ‘male’ panel can have as much diversity as an all-white ‘female’ panel. OK fight me!
Polymorphic
Got AI? Got ML? but do you have Polymorphic? I’m really looking forward to chatting with vendors about their polymorphicism and trying to get them to explain the maths behind what they think it means!
Quantum
Really… you are going to try peddling Quantum when we don’t have any commercially available computing available yet? Really… I’ll get some popcorn while you try and explain that one!
Market Leader
Why is it that EVERY vendor I see is a market leader … that’s a hell of a lot of companies in Joint 1st position !!!
Business Continuity
when they mean Disaster Recovery.
Disaster Recovery
when they mean Business Continuity.
Automation
Do you not have enough false positives yet? Want a GitHub script that can add even more noise to your SOC and cause your SIEM to crash every time it tries to ingest more data … Automation is the key!
Deep
Ooooooh Deeeeeeep! Deep dive, Deep web, Deep Intelligence, Deep detection, Deep threat, Deep-y derp derp. Man, that’s deep!
Smart
If you claim your vendor solution is smart are you trying to tell me that my environment is not smart? It’s dumb? Oh, thanks for that … smart arse more like!
Cyber-Physical
Why does this feel like I am seeing McGee and Abby on the same keyboard while the Scorpion team plug a USB lead into a passing aeroplane from a sports car?
Ransomware
We know how to sell on fear, doubt and uncertainty, oh look here comes Ransomware … because we can sell you the same screenshot we’ve been using since WannaCry!
Human
I’m going to crystal ball this one that we are going to see more “human” on the stands. Human-centric, finally you realised you should be protecting the meatware!! congratulations!
Privacy
Our AI engine will send all the data back to our US cloud so that the Patriot Act can sift through your data .. but we are all about Privacy! Hahahahaha … I wonder if we will have Data Sovereignty in 2023!!
TLAs
Ah yes, will it be PKI over SSH protecting your FTP from an ATP? I do love a good banner advert that is literally a bad game of scrabble!!
Russia
The ever-popular planetary bad-boy… Let’s throw shade at Russia and be a bit racist despite attribution being really hard!
China
See Russia above – find your common name and just roll with it, no-one will ever be able to prove that it was them anyway!
Managed
by our interns.
Phishing
Because there’s nothing like smashing security awareness in the face of the users like trying to trick them into clicking a link and then punishing them when they do click it!
Simulation
I don’t actually want simulation, I actually want the real thing, thank you!
GCHQ/NCSC Accredited
Ooooh get you … but what does that mean? Does it mean it’s any good? You are aware that by stating that you are not Accredited against any recognised standard?
Nation-State Grade
Yeah … I challenge you to put that one out there … then I know you read my blog – Cyber Product Grading System.
Military-Grade
See Nation-State grade. If you ever meet someone who has worked for your local military, they will tell you that military grade really is not a badge of honour!
Picture of Padlock or Hoodie
Oh go on … I’ll leave this one in … because it is still funny. When we have to run a $7,000 competition to get new images then it’s time to give up!
Maritime/Aviation
Well, you can expand this to any other niche client sector that is so highly specific that you are literally just looking at a pretty stand rather than having something meaningful that can help.
Cyber Warfare
Ahahahaha … are you really going to try and sell your product using a term that the grass-roots clients will never really have a direct impact with and instead will be collateral damage in a current theatre of war? Oh, you do make me laugh … I bet you’d got a picture of a soldier too haven’t you!
Weird Giveaways
Another new entrant to the sheet – what is the weirdest thing being given away on a stand! Tweet @SPCoulson and let me know!!
So there you have it … I hope you score well on your bingo card.
Come and find me at a conference near you – DM me on Twitter etc.
#CyberBuzzwordBingo
Want to see some of the old Bingo Cards?
Have a look at previous years here:
2017 – Attribution Bingo Bingo Card and Blog
2018 – Infosec EU Bingo Card
2019 – Infosec EU Bingo card and Blog
2020 – Infosec EU Bingo card and Blog
I’ll be seeing you there!
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